Chick Shit

I recently picked up a book by Kavita Daswani called “The Village Bride of Beverly Hills.” There’s a scene where a guy who screwed up big time with his wife, shows up at his wife’s maternal home 3 months after she walks out on him.

He says he wants her back.

She says no.

He says, “I thought I’d have you at hello”

Well, he didn’t have her at hello. In fact, it took a lot of work on his part and a lot of showing of improvement and acknowledgement of the issues that they had while they were together for him to “have” her. And I really, truly respected Daswani for that.

You see, many chick flicks and romance novels, even ones that I absolutely love, give guys this impression that it’s okay if you fucked up big time. All you have to do is show up, or text, or call 3 months later and your presence will be enough. Your significant other will forget all the shit you did and jump in your arms. It gives the impression that just showing up is enough when it just damn well should not be!

I didn’t understand the concept when my best friend C first pointed it out to me while we watched Sex and the City the movie together. She said that Carrie and Big getting together at the end was the most retarded thing in the world. She contrasted it with Steve and Miranda getting back together. They had a period when they were apart from each other and fumed separately, then they acknowledged their issues and their desire to be together, then they worked through their issues with a counselor for a significant period of time and  both had the choice to either get back together or not. All this was put up against Carrie showing up in her closet and seeing the man who jilted her holding her Monolos. Without having said a word to each other since the jilting, they fall into each others arms and passionately make up. Him saying she is the love of her life is enough for her to choose to marry him all over again.

At the time I didn’t get it. At the time, I understood that to be love. It was passion. It was the most gorgeous pair of shoes in the world.

But now it all seems so different. I don’t know if I’ve grown up or become all the more wiser. Or maybe I’ve just lost some naive innocent idea of love. But I finally get what C was saying.

I also recently read the must hyped Girls of Riyadh and there was a similar sort of dilemma. Without giving too much away, a guy screwed over a girl. The guy screwed up big time. Just when the girl was almost ready to move on, he calls and asks her to marry him (out of the blue mind you). His tone implied that he expected the answer to be nothing other than a very, very enthusiastic “yes” because he felt that he “had” her at the second his name displayed on her cellphone screen—so, even before the “hello.”

It’s a horrendous idea that is out there. This thing where just acknowledging you want a girl back is enough for her to jump into your arms. It’s enough for her to ignore everything that you did. It’s even considered romantic. “He came back. See, he came back. It’s meant to be.”

Chick Shit.

But then what if he doesn’t come back at all? What’s worse—a “I thought I’d have to at hello” appearance, or none at all?